|
1. |
|
|
|
|
Each time I think I'm okay when I'm sleeping I change my mind when I'm awake
sometimes I'd like to say something beautiful but maybe that's just time to waste
so all of my days just die of old age.
Maybe you're wondering when will it do something, poking the microscope slide
and if the train seemed like it ever would go somewhere maybe you'd go for a ride
but when it moved you just ran to hide
But I'd say you dodged a bullet
because living your life to the fullest
gets exhausting.
|
|
2. |
|
|
|
|
she'll watch the clock a lot and she'll try to say so in a song
she'll guess at absolutes and probably get it wrong
you think you'll want to know all about her little ways
maybe you imagine what she'd do with all the things that you won't say
But breaking the ice is not a good idea
...well you just make it seem
so nice
Look at this. Nobody seems to mind.
Everybody wants a little something when it's so hot outside
She's staring at the screen. She adds it up all the time!
You know she breathes so deep when she reads anything--
that's right!
So maybe breaking the ice
is not a good idea
But you just make it seem so .....
I could scream!
It'll happen again I know--all birds fly away.
Then they all vanish like smoke into the sky:
That's why she won't play dice
That's why they call it thin ice.
just another fools game. just another wall
just another number that she's never gonna call.
she'll watch the clock a lot, she knows it's quittin' time
she wonders what the broken birds remember when they fly home at nighttime...
|
|
3. |
|
|
|
|
out of time. out of sight - so out of mind
and yet these skies were never mine to fly by
in he creeps--unexpectedly into your dreams
sleep cannot win when your shadow comes calling
uninvited. so I'll smile politely
and be just like they like me. no dreams are mine
she slithers in. you did not invite her
she's your unexpected guest.
uncovers all your secrets
'go back to bed,' she said.
(she'll make it go away)
all these nightmares in your head!
(fingers crossed behind)
in he creeps--unexpectedly into your dreams
sleep will not win when your shadow comes calling!
in we creep--unexpectedly into your dreams
sleep will not win when your shadow comes calling!
|
|
4. |
|
|
|
|
***************
The Heartshaker came. He lies in wait.
That's his way.
He lies. He wants my life.
It's what he does, he comes.. for me
As I gaze open wide into vertigo,
baby oh no, oh god...I don't want to know
I feel the rain.
As my mind slides away and we try to erase all the mistakes that were made
tell me whatcha gonna do-gonna do ... to stop the heartbreak?
Think a second of me, my water's so deep--
how you drown in my salty, so sweet.
Try to remember the sanity. Take time, help me breathe.
Stop what came, whatever it be.
If it be the Heartshaker, then break me.
If I die before I wake let's make a wish that our heart won't break apart ...
Please don't come for me. There won't be a point for the earthquake across the sea.
Down to the river! Down to the sea!
We'll break apart.
Heartshaker lies in wait to come and take my heart.
|
|
5. |
|
|
|
|
My week has not been fine
There's no rules for how to write my life
Stick to facts go back to practice
still all this distraction
lies in wait to glaze me make me crazy
although no mistakes are made
so who's to say?
It's morning…
It's nighttime
a cup of do-or-die
a flask of hello-goodbye
a tablespoon of
why shouldn't I??
As for him and I
-we're fine
and I think we might be tied up tight enough
… to get by
But who's complaining
what's underneath my frosting's
not really what's advertised …
well why .. shouldn't I
add the spice
a cup of do or die
dash of hello goodbye
well why not why, why shouldn't I?
Why, shouldn't I
add some spice
a cup of
do or die
just tell me
why write a recipe
to make something from this thing
Why shouldn't I?
Mixed up like marmalade inside
And I try to hide myself in plain sight …
it's sticky in my mind
complications clinging singing circles and I close my eyes
And it stays ... my duality
|
|
6. |
|
|
|
|
Stare through my hands again
Blue page to tempt me to tell my secret
but you seem to guess it so well
Yes, no one sees the whole
It spins so close to home
Truth hits down to the bone but you get it so totally,
you alone seem to see all the way through me
Are you my friend or my enemy?
And I don't let anyone or anything see me
Invisible Girl. Invisible Me
The secrets inside me burn so [much] deeper than lightning
the sneaking, the fighting, the hiding
and you think that just because you see through walls that you can see
invisibly
My disguise slipped last night
Those x-ray eyes of yours saw me fade right through the exit door
Of course, I'm running away
Yeah you run away too, you know
sometimes I see your eyes ...
Sometimes we'll go away together to fight crime
And if we could fly it might stop us from falling
And if I could let somebody see
the Invisible Girl. Invisible me
The secrets inside me have always had only one key
And I guess that you want to unlock me
And you see me walk alone on a tightrope...
And I will not wear my heart on my sleeve,
you say what you think...
do you think we'd make a good team?
Invisible Girl. Visible me
Could you call the shots?
Could I be your Robin or would you be one nation indivisible under me?
Could we be so lucky?
|
|
7. |
|
|
|
|
...the other side of crazy
i peer between the bars..
I won't get out today;
or anytime this year
but that's okay
They give me shiny things to swallow
I've got my teddy bear
'Judge Judy's' on tomorrow;
and i don't care about nothing anyway...
CH
Cloud - Cuckoo - Land
is a place you'll never understand -
so put your pad and your pencils down..
stop squinting at me like I'm crazy!
Cloud - Cuckoo - Land
Cloud - Cuckoo - Land
(Cloud - Cuckoo - Land)
everybody's quiet...
it's half past three and the med-carts have gone around
i don't think half the people like it here
and I have mixed feelings
about the way i am dealing
and by the time I take off in the air
i don't seem to care
Cloud - Cuckoo - Land
is a place you'll never understand! -
a place of flying away and healing ...
a place of revealing...
|
|
8. |
|
|
|
|
I know I can't rewind us back again
so I record these new things desperately.
And you deserve a nicer word than friend.
You wrote over so many bad ends.
But my troubles thread out tiny openings.
I know I can't rewind us back again.
And you can't spool hearts inside themselves again
like with pens forced in cassettes - center spokes spinning ...
and you deserve a nicer word than friend!
So yes this is a tangled mess we're in;
but I know, we've got no plans for the leaving.
I know I can't rewind us back again
I bet there is something here...I can win
at least that's what you keep on making me believe;
and you deserve a nicer word than friend!
So yeah, I won't tape over anything you send...
but the record of these things must be made by me.
I know I can't rewind us back again,
and you deserve a nicer word than friend.
|
|
9. |
|
|
|
|
meet me at the back of the alley, mr. x
you know what it's for, but it's not for that
better make it fast ... think I paid enough for the
mercy killing.
i changed my mind -
i don't really wanna know how it's gonna go down
i think maybe i'd like a lotta people around
so gun me down ...
... in a crowd
then just fade out
and i won't hear the sounds
from your mercy killing
when i decide that it's time
i don't wanna hide
i wanna do this right
remove the option
and give someone else a try
why shouldn't i?
i .......
maybe i'll give a little signal if I panic
if i'd like my dreams back
meet me at the back of the alley, mr. x
you know what it's for
this time it's for that
now i think that this time i might really
want .........
|
|
10. |
|
|
|
|
Don't look away
Don't look back to where you came from
and don't say you'll stay with me
Don't make excuses this way
Nothing decays like the smell of a lie in the face
On the verge of tears the year will blur into a sea of wasted words
You learn that your worth is the proportional inverse of lines which were so well rehearsed
Your mind spins at the memories of trust washed out like the tide - that time you won't talk about now
So make all your plans for tomorrow
but you don't know ... where I'll go
On the verge ...
I want to fall through into you and time
On the verge of tears
|
|
11. |
|
|
|
|
They tied our hands together
that time that we met
It was maybe a little intense for our first date
And I don't have a homeland now
No one's really from anywhere I s'pose
I've heard the rumors but I'm lying here undressed
My love, you'll be alright
You've reached a place of safety
Be careful, good night
don't look behind your fears
For I have drawn a curtain right over the darkness
Here, come claim your home
don't look for hidden halls
In the morning I'm not shy because you're mine
And you say these things are all for me
And I don't put no stock
in all the suspicious storytellings
when my mind is shocked by love
Then you tell me not to walk on down the hall
For anything, for anything
For anything, for anything
My love I thought I gave you all that you wanted
So now we'll go away into the darkness
(And you know what curiosity did for that cat)
They tied our hands together, the *first* time we met
(it was almost too easy, it was almost too tragic)
You say that I have all of your resources, and your love
(I waited for the inevitable end of the line)
Only one thing that I asked
(you gave me the keys)
You know what curiosity did for the cat
My beautiful girl
(to everything, to everything -)
(How can a man who can touch me like you do...)
I already know you will ignore my requests
(...be so violent and sad, with no regret … )
And now the key will never wipe clean
|
|
12. |
|
|
|
|
All the girls they love you
love you love you love you
precious piece of clothing
the way you hold my skin...
the way you adorn me
they all wanna be like me
they all wanna be
the prettiest vest in the vest factory
but if they knew me
knew me knew me
they would know I am lost
if all your precious seamstresses could
see see see see
the cost
they would see right through me
their mouths would gasp
like the little fishes
and they'd be lost
...lost lost
just like me
CH
in this silent scream
trapped in these seams
trapped in the seams of the
vest factory
trapped like the way that you hold me
so very straitjacketdly
no..
they would know know
they would know know
they'd would know for sure, for sure
that I am quite, quite alone
and they would be
they would be, they would be,
sorry.. so so so so
sorry
of all my lack of control..
and they would know
that I've got nothing -
so, so?
CH
they would know me
in this silent scream
trapped in between
these dreams
the seams of the
vest factory
trapped so straitjacketdly
trapped so straitjacketdly
BR
i have a waistcoat, I call it a vest
It's kinda light green, and actually I have three or four
they're kinda my thing I'm known for
well, that and avoiding …
all the issues of course
not following prompts / I put my hands in my pockets
CH
and yeah, I scream
so silently
in between the seams
trapped straightjacketly
I'm lost, I'm lost, I lost
in these streams
trapped so straitjacketdly
drowning, drowning, drowning….
in the factory
of you … and me
|
|
13. |
|
|
|
|
men all just want sex.
that's what the magazines are saying..
i read it in the airport while I'm waiting for you
but you just say I'm silly.
well we went to movies that night
and I spied on the slant of your eyes..
and i wondered what you do with your eyes
when you land on the 6 am flight
'cuz we all know all about
little miss Canada
don't try to deny it
does she know about me..?
So take the northern flight
with your bag of socks and lies
and don't apologize...to me.
it's funny how you always say
you really really don't wanna go..
I always tell the joke about
your secret family, but nobody's laughing
The magazines all say
if I learn the right techniques,
it won't play it this way
but you'll just say I'm silly
...and belittle me.
|
|
14. |
|
|
|
|
I'm happy to be, happy to be
happy to be here brushing my teeth
I'm happy to do it,
cuz that's what we're s'pozed to do...
No one wants tooth decay,
and bleeding gums,
and halitosis ...
So get your brush,
open up...
swish swish that mouthwash!
...and don't get lazy with that floss :)
This is your toothbrush song!
And I'm happy to be here, singing along.
Do 30 seconds on each side,
then rinse it off and kiss good night.
xx
|
For a long time, I have participated in song contests that had set titles or that required prompts. I did this for both songwriting and recording practice. I also required practice.
When I started the contests I was in a weird place in my life and with my health and was rebuilding things from scratch. I had to relearn how to do things I had forgotten and try to become a different sort of musician. At the time I didn’t say much about it because it was not what one did—to elaborate about health problems. I’d had a sort of mini-stroke and was having a kind of breakdown. So these songs are partially an exploration of feelings and experiences as well as learning to deal with things. I’m only just now talking about it all. Slowly.
These recordings are all at least ten years old and at the time were as close as I could get to what was in my head—considering the deadlines. Though these are all still in their Song Contestant States, these are the ones I liked best and are still pretty fond of. They did and do still represent me-then and the circumstances and mindsets. So I could see myself keeping them to reuse/recycle in some form or fashion.
Denise Hudson
2022 / 2023
released December 8, 2011
tracks by Denise Hudson (or 'DJ Ranger Den')
'Unexpected Guest' (May-2012)
cowritten/coproduced/mastered by Chris Dienst of Billy's Little Trip/Billy and the Psychotics
'HeartShaker' (2011)
remix/master by Chris Dienst of Billy's Little Trip/Billy and the Psychotics
'Cassettes' (Spring—2012)
bass and mastering, Chris Dienst of Billy's Little Trip/Billy and the Psychotics
'Something Very Horrible ("Bluebeard's Lament")' (2010)
vocal by Joe "Covenant" Lamb