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Invisible Girl

by D

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1.
Each time I think I'm okay when I'm sleeping I change my mind when I'm awake sometimes I'd like to say something beautiful but maybe that's just time to waste so all of my days just die of old age. Maybe you're wondering when will it do something, poking the microscope slide and if the train seemed like it ever would go somewhere maybe you'd go for a ride but when it moved you just ran to hide But I'd say you dodged a bullet because living your life to the fullest gets exhausting.
2.
she'll watch the clock a lot and she'll try to say so in a song she'll guess at absolutes and probably get it wrong you think you'll want to know all about her little ways maybe you imagine what she'd do with all the things that you won't say But breaking the ice is not a good idea ...well you just make it seem so nice Look at this. Nobody seems to mind. Everybody wants a little something when it's so hot outside She's staring at the screen. She adds it up all the time! You know she breathes so deep when she reads anything-- that's right! So maybe breaking the ice is not a good idea But you just make it seem so ..... I could scream! It'll happen again I know--all birds fly away. Then they all vanish like smoke into the sky: That's why she won't play dice That's why they call it thin ice. just another fools game. just another wall just another number that she's never gonna call. she'll watch the clock a lot, she knows it's quittin' time she wonders what the broken birds remember when they fly home at nighttime...
3.
out of time. out of sight - so out of mind and yet these skies were never mine to fly by in he creeps--unexpectedly into your dreams sleep cannot win when your shadow comes calling uninvited. so I'll smile politely and be just like they like me. no dreams are mine she slithers in. you did not invite her she's your unexpected guest. uncovers all your secrets 'go back to bed,' she said. (she'll make it go away) all these nightmares in your head! (fingers crossed behind) in he creeps--unexpectedly into your dreams sleep will not win when your shadow comes calling! in we creep--unexpectedly into your dreams sleep will not win when your shadow comes calling!
4.
*************** The Heartshaker came. He lies in wait. That's his way. He lies. He wants my life. It's what he does, he comes.. for me As I gaze open wide into vertigo, baby oh no, oh god...I don't want to know I feel the rain. As my mind slides away and we try to erase all the mistakes that were made tell me whatcha gonna do-gonna do ... to stop the heartbreak? Think a second of me, my water's so deep-- how you drown in my salty, so sweet. Try to remember the sanity. Take time, help me breathe. Stop what came, whatever it be. If it be the Heartshaker, then break me. If I die before I wake let's make a wish that our heart won't break apart ... Please don't come for me. There won't be a point for the earthquake across the sea. Down to the river! Down to the sea! We'll break apart. Heartshaker lies in wait to come and take my heart.
5.
My week has not been fine There's no rules for how to write my life Stick to facts go back to practice still all this distraction lies in wait to glaze me make me crazy although no mistakes are made so who's to say? It's morning… It's nighttime a cup of do-or-die a flask of hello-goodbye a tablespoon of why shouldn't I?? As for him and I -we're fine and I think we might be tied up tight enough … to get by But who's complaining what's underneath my frosting's not really what's advertised … well why .. shouldn't I add the spice a cup of do or die dash of hello goodbye well why not why, why shouldn't I? Why, shouldn't I add some spice a cup of do or die just tell me why write a recipe to make something from this thing Why shouldn't I? Mixed up like marmalade inside And I try to hide myself in plain sight … it's sticky in my mind complications clinging singing circles and I close my eyes And it stays ... my duality
6.
Stare through my hands again Blue page to tempt me to tell my secret but you seem to guess it so well Yes, no one sees the whole It spins so close to home Truth hits down to the bone but you get it so totally, you alone seem to see all the way through me Are you my friend or my enemy? And I don't let anyone or anything see me Invisible Girl. Invisible Me The secrets inside me burn so [much] deeper than lightning the sneaking, the fighting, the hiding and you think that just because you see through walls that you can see invisibly My disguise slipped last night Those x-ray eyes of yours saw me fade right through the exit door Of course, I'm running away Yeah you run away too, you know sometimes I see your eyes ... Sometimes we'll go away together to fight crime And if we could fly it might stop us from falling And if I could let somebody see the Invisible Girl. Invisible me The secrets inside me have always had only one key And I guess that you want to unlock me And you see me walk alone on a tightrope... And I will not wear my heart on my sleeve, you say what you think... do you think we'd make a good team? Invisible Girl. Visible me Could you call the shots? Could I be your Robin or would you be one nation indivisible under me? Could we be so lucky?
7.
...the other side of crazy i peer between the bars.. I won't get out today; or anytime this year but that's okay They give me shiny things to swallow I've got my teddy bear 'Judge Judy's' on tomorrow; and i don't care about nothing anyway... CH Cloud - Cuckoo - Land is a place you'll never understand - so put your pad and your pencils down.. stop squinting at me like I'm crazy! Cloud - Cuckoo - Land Cloud - Cuckoo - Land (Cloud - Cuckoo - Land) everybody's quiet... it's half past three and the med-carts have gone around i don't think half the people like it here and I have mixed feelings about the way i am dealing and by the time I take off in the air i don't seem to care Cloud - Cuckoo - Land is a place you'll never understand! - a place of flying away and healing ... a place of revealing...
8.
I know I can't rewind us back again so I record these new things desperately. And you deserve a nicer word than friend. You wrote over so many bad ends. But my troubles thread out tiny openings. I know I can't rewind us back again. And you can't spool hearts inside themselves again like with pens forced in cassettes - center spokes spinning ... and you deserve a nicer word than friend! So yes this is a tangled mess we're in; but I know, we've got no plans for the leaving. I know I can't rewind us back again I bet there is something here...I can win at least that's what you keep on making me believe; and you deserve a nicer word than friend! So yeah, I won't tape over anything you send... but the record of these things must be made by me. I know I can't rewind us back again, and you deserve a nicer word than friend.
9.
meet me at the back of the alley, mr. x you know what it's for, but it's not for that better make it fast ... think I paid enough for the mercy killing. i changed my mind - i don't really wanna know how it's gonna go down i think maybe i'd like a lotta people around so gun me down ... ... in a crowd then just fade out and i won't hear the sounds from your mercy killing when i decide that it's time i don't wanna hide i wanna do this right remove the option and give someone else a try why shouldn't i? i ....... maybe i'll give a little signal if I panic if i'd like my dreams back meet me at the back of the alley, mr. x you know what it's for this time it's for that now i think that this time i might really want .........
10.
Don't look away Don't look back to where you came from and don't say you'll stay with me Don't make excuses this way Nothing decays like the smell of a lie in the face On the verge of tears the year will blur into a sea of wasted words You learn that your worth is the proportional inverse of lines which were so well rehearsed Your mind spins at the memories of trust washed out like the tide - that time you won't talk about now So make all your plans for tomorrow but you don't know ... where I'll go On the verge ... I want to fall through into you and time On the verge of tears
11.
They tied our hands together that time that we met It was maybe a little intense for our first date And I don't have a homeland now No one's really from anywhere I s'pose I've heard the rumors but I'm lying here undressed My love, you'll be alright You've reached a place of safety Be careful, good night don't look behind your fears For I have drawn a curtain right over the darkness Here, come claim your home don't look for hidden halls In the morning I'm not shy because you're mine And you say these things are all for me And I don't put no stock in all the suspicious storytellings when my mind is shocked by love Then you tell me not to walk on down the hall For anything, for anything For anything, for anything My love I thought I gave you all that you wanted So now we'll go away into the darkness (And you know what curiosity did for that cat) They tied our hands together, the *first* time we met (it was almost too easy, it was almost too tragic) You say that I have all of your resources, and your love (I waited for the inevitable end of the line) Only one thing that I asked (you gave me the keys) You know what curiosity did for the cat My beautiful girl (to everything, to everything -) (How can a man who can touch me like you do...) I already know you will ignore my requests (...be so violent and sad, with no regret … ) And now the key will never wipe clean
12.
All the girls they love you love you love you love you precious piece of clothing the way you hold my skin... the way you adorn me they all wanna be like me they all wanna be the prettiest vest in the vest factory but if they knew me knew me knew me they would know I am lost if all your precious seamstresses could see see see see the cost they would see right through me their mouths would gasp like the little fishes and they'd be lost ...lost lost just like me CH in this silent scream trapped in these seams trapped in the seams of the vest factory trapped like the way that you hold me so very straitjacketdly no.. they would know know they would know know they'd would know for sure, for sure that I am quite, quite alone and they would be they would be, they would be, sorry.. so so so so sorry of all my lack of control.. and they would know that I've got nothing - so, so? CH they would know me in this silent scream trapped in between these dreams the seams of the vest factory trapped so straitjacketdly trapped so straitjacketdly BR i have a waistcoat, I call it a vest It's kinda light green, and actually I have three or four they're kinda my thing I'm known for well, that and avoiding … all the issues of course not following prompts / I put my hands in my pockets CH and yeah, I scream so silently in between the seams trapped straightjacketly I'm lost, I'm lost, I lost in these streams trapped so straitjacketdly drowning, drowning, drowning…. in the factory of you … and me
13.
men all just want sex. that's what the magazines are saying.. i read it in the airport while I'm waiting for you but you just say I'm silly. well we went to movies that night and I spied on the slant of your eyes.. and i wondered what you do with your eyes when you land on the 6 am flight 'cuz we all know all about little miss Canada don't try to deny it does she know about me..? So take the northern flight with your bag of socks and lies and don't apologize...to me. it's funny how you always say you really really don't wanna go.. I always tell the joke about your secret family, but nobody's laughing The magazines all say if I learn the right techniques, it won't play it this way but you'll just say I'm silly ...and belittle me.
14.
I'm happy to be, happy to be happy to be here brushing my teeth I'm happy to do it, cuz that's what we're s'pozed to do... No one wants tooth decay, and bleeding gums, and halitosis ... So get your brush, open up... swish swish that mouthwash! ...and don't get lazy with that floss :) This is your toothbrush song! And I'm happy to be here, singing along. Do 30 seconds on each side, then rinse it off and kiss good night. xx

about

For a long time, I have participated in song contests that had set titles or that required prompts. I did this for both songwriting and recording practice. I also required practice.

When I started the contests I was in a weird place in my life and with my health and was rebuilding things from scratch. I had to relearn how to do things I had forgotten and try to become a different sort of musician. At the time I didn’t say much about it because it was not what one did—to elaborate about health problems. I’d had a sort of mini-stroke and was having a kind of breakdown. So these songs are partially an exploration of feelings and experiences as well as learning to deal with things. I’m only just now talking about it all. Slowly.

These recordings are all at least ten years old and at the time were as close as I could get to what was in my head—considering the deadlines. Though these are all still in their Song Contestant States, these are the ones I liked best and are still pretty fond of. They did and do still represent me-then and the circumstances and mindsets. So I could see myself keeping them to reuse/recycle in some form or fashion.

Denise Hudson
2022 / 2023

credits

released December 8, 2011

tracks by Denise Hudson (or 'DJ Ranger Den')

'Unexpected Guest' (May-2012)
cowritten/coproduced/mastered by Chris Dienst of Billy's Little Trip/Billy and the Psychotics
'HeartShaker' (2011)
remix/master by Chris Dienst of Billy's Little Trip/Billy and the Psychotics
'Cassettes' (Spring—2012)
bass and mastering, Chris Dienst of Billy's Little Trip/Billy and the Psychotics
'Something Very Horrible ("Bluebeard's Lament")' (2010)
vocal by Joe "Covenant" Lamb

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Denise Hudson Austin

I am DJ Ranger Den. This is the main musician alias for Denise Hudson. She is neither DJ or Ranger. Things change and develop around here a lot.

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